How does one put into words what it feels like to be alive again? To move freely again; to move your body in ways that you had to withhold from yourself for 100 days!
When I calculated the time between my two dates of last run to first run it was exactly 100 days I take this to be an auspicious number because there was no way I could have predicted it.
Many cannot understand the runners high and never want to and that is okay there is no one right way to do anything. How one-person runs, does yoga, bikes or consumes nutrients is what works for them and their body. There is a steady thread that runs through all fabric of success in any modality and that is consistency. Since I lost my consistency of workouts with running and been spending a lot of free wonderful soul soothing time at the lake my physical body has taken a bit of an easy ride. Sometimes I think life gives us what we need even when we can’t see for ourselves what it requires.
Life required of myself something different than the path I was on, a purposeful slow down was what I had to take and in that sabbatical from crazy life I realized that I wanted to take my yoga teacher training something I never had entertained the idea of before and even scoffed at.
You see to be so stuck in the thinking that life doesn’t change is the most ridiculous hoax of all time. This breath is not like the last, your heart pumps different blood one second to the next, the sky is never the same, your surroundings are always changing and the world is one big swirling ball of change.
I changed my thinking in those hours of stillness and for that I am grateful. Discovering a yin to my yang energy that fulfills me physically as well as spiritually was a shock to me as much as anyone that knows me.
Sometimes I laugh at the thought that people “know” me because we in this world hardly know ourselves it is easy to predict our outcomes most times but to really “know” someone is nearly impossible. We only know what they project out into reality for us to see.
As much as I lost some physically fitness while I had a forced physical slow down being in a cast for weeks on end and having nothing more than walking for the other month was a great gift. There was no rush to force running until I was medically cleared to do so, how often do we get a reprieve to just go with the flow of life and slow down. I missed running slightly but after not being able to even walk for so long just walking was a wonderful freedom. And the slow down allowed me to see so much beauty around me.
My surgeon surprises me in our 15 second chats when a month ahead of schedule he releases me from the clutches of a cast into an ankle brace and then when I think I can’t run for another three weeks and my plan is to be able to “walk” the Heli-run race I’m scheduled to run in four weeks after I’m allowed to run he tells me a month early again I can run.
Oh life without expectation is joyous!
This year has been on of a plethora of twists, turns and sometimes dead ends but it really has been the best year ever! I have crawled, crutched, knee walked, ankle braced and ran my way through many months. Looking back I wouldn’t trade any of it, not one minute. In order to grow as a person you have to embrace difficult times not lament the loss of good times. Each moment is a blessing and a lesson to express ourselves into a better space.
This photo below really hit home for me. The beauty and simplicity of becoming who you are meant to be is captured in this statue.
Photo by Paige Bradley
Reading through one of my yoga books there’s a passage that reminds us no matter WHAT, we are what we think and the energy from that thinking attracts to us what we want (or what we think we don’t want). So if you constantly say to yourself, I don’t want _________; you mind only hears the want __________ portion and you actually attract what you don’t want into life.
Fake it until you make it is literally what I have said for years and if you tell yourself something enough and start to believe and live it with every particle of your being you start to become it! Refrain from putting energy into what you don’t want and start putting it into what you do want! If we continue to reinforce in our lives what we aren’t we can never become who we want to be. I’m not a runner, I’m not good enough….of course you are the only person who can change that for you is you and your thoughts.
I am so thankful for yoga on the dock, runs down the road and trails, the amazing people I am surrounded by who teach me lessons every day and the discovery of a deeper part of myself I shut off a long time ago.
I haven't written much lately, it seems hard to put into words what flows so easily in my heart. Words nearly seem to ruin it!
Today when you catch yourself telling yourself who you aren't replace those words with what you want instead.
I Live Life Now,